Ladies???

After hearing Bossk and Dengar talk about all the chicks they got from online dating, I finally broke down and set up an account with okcupid.com. Mothers, hide your daughters.

Restarting My Acting Career

I first caught the acting bug when my dad took me to the Kamino Community Children’s Theater for a production of “Annie Get Your Blaster.” However, my theater career was cut short when my voice coach said I was flat and my dad’s head got cut off by Mace Windu.

But I'm ready to start acting again. And whatever I lack in talent I'll more than make up for with my stunning good looks. If that fails, I'll just adopt a catchphrase like "Hotchy Motchy!" or "Get It Accomplished!"

My Best Haircut Ever

Showing off the new do.

Tracking a perp down halfway across the galaxy for money is not easy. It’s even harder giving that money to a 20-something-year-old skank at Super Cuts who’s just going to distractedly buzz me while talking about her stupid granddaughter.

I spared myself the torture and invested in a set of clippers. Not to honk my own horn, but I think this haircut kind of makes me look like Skeet Ulrich.

Check Out My New Ride

Picture me rollin'...

Despite the love I have for my original Slave I ship (I actually lost my virginity in the backseat of that thing), my newest ride is by far the best of them all.

Now, I’ll admit a Prius may not strike quite as much fear into the hearts of my enemies, but it’s totally going to impress that checkout girl at Trader Joe’s.

And for whatever reason, it seems like a lot of black people on earth are really offended by my license plate. I should probably get around to reading about this planet’s history sometime…

The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Mandalorians

It's no good to me burnt...

I’ve pulled off some pretty amazing feats in my life. I captured Han Solo when nobody in the galaxy could. I led the Mandalorians during multiple wars.

So then why can’t I tell if my goddamn toaster oven is set to “broil” or “toast?” Is it too much to ask for the dial to be properly marked? I mean, it’s hard enough to see out of this stupid helmet.

Luckily, I have a bagel frozen in carbonite that I can eat instead.



Trading My Thermal Detonators for Thermal Underwear

Snug, secure and stylish...

Now that I’m no longer bounty hunting, I’ve been bringing a lot of my old equipment to the Goodwill down the street. In fact, I even saw my old Mitrinomon Z-6 Jetpack on the shelf next to a George Foreman grill.

My skills for hunting down outlaws definitely came in handy while I was at Goodwill, because I hunted down this 100% pre-shrunk cotton crewneck in waffle print. It’s way more comfy than my reinforced armor mesh body suit, and it has no Wookie blood on it.

Although, it does smell surprisingly like Wookie farts. Actually, the entire Goodwill store did.

Spell Check, I Will Disable You and Destroy You

Microsoft Word, my old arch nemesis...

For the last time, Spell Check, my name is not Bob Feta. It’s Boba Fett. If you can’t recognize that, maybe I ought to cut you open and watch your lines and lines of computer code come spilling out onto the keyboard while I stand triumphantly over your pathetic, twitching corpse.

Oh, wait, there’s an “Add to Dictionary” option. Never mind.